I feel like someone pressed the fast-forward button on the remote. Where has the time gone? I recall dreading living through Amelie’s 2nd birthday and angel day and yet the days came and went and life kept on moving forward…way too fast.
My husband and I visited her graveside on Easter day as we do most holidays. I know for me, I still feel wrong knowing my first child lay buried there – her body in the ground and her soul’s location, a mystery. I told P.aul as we walked away from her resting place that I feel a piece of me is buried with her. Like my heart chipped away and it lay underground for me to never have again.
But I’m a functioning person with a broken heart.
Our son’s existence, with his lovely aura fills a lot of what remains of my broken heart. The love and appreciation I have for my husband is there too. Our friends and family who have seen us through our worst of times, who made us laugh when we never thought we’d be able to – are also a part of it. And the sheer goodness of strangers and people who we have connected with due to tragedy has played a hand in filling our achy-breaky-hearts.
Easter is a time to rejoice. “Rejoicing” normally has religious connotations but I’m taking this to another level. I am rejoiceful for my life. Although our daughter’s life was lost, although my heart is permanently broke…my life still gave me another shot at happiness. And I took it and I'm running fast-forward with it. Huh, go figure?
Happy Easter and best wishes to all.
