I feel like someone pressed the fast-forward button on the remote. Where has the time gone?Â I recall dreading living through Amelieâ€™s 2nd birthday and angel day and yet the days came and went and life kept on moving forwardâ€¦way too fast.
My husband and I visited her graveside on Easter day as we do most holidays. I know for me, I still feel wrong knowing my first child lay buried there â€“ her body in the ground and her soulâ€™s location, a mystery. I told P.aul as we walked away from her resting place that I feel a piece of me is buried with her. Like my heart chipped away and it lay underground for me to never have again.
But Iâ€™m a functioning person with a broken heart.
Our sonâ€™s existence, with his lovely aura fills a lot of what remains of my broken heart. The love and appreciation I have for my husband is there too. Our friends and family who have seen us through our worst of times, who made us laugh when we never thought weâ€™d be able to â€“ are also a part of it. And the sheer goodness of strangers and people who we have connected with due to tragedy has played a hand in filling our achy-breaky-hearts.
Easter is a time to rejoice. â€œRejoicingâ€ normally has religious connotations but Iâ€™m taking this to another level. I am rejoiceful for my life. Although our daughterâ€™s life was lost, although my heart is permanently brokeâ€¦my life still gave me another shot at happiness. And I took it and I'm running fast-forward with it.Â Huh, go figure?