Well itâ€™s true, once you have newborn â€“ things that consumed your everyday thoughts somehow get filtered to the back of the line. By this, Iâ€™m referring to memories of Amelie. My mother-guilt of course hits me from time to time and I think Iâ€™m an absolute awful person.
But just the other day, I sat alone while Oliver peacefully slept and my husband played on his playstation â€“ I sat there in my dark room just thinking of Amelie. Instead of envisioning what she would have been like today as a rambunctious 20 month old â€“ I just started peacefully remembering the moments I spent with her while she was hereâ€¦the soft kisses I gave to her as I give to my son now and recalling her girlie-cries and her gentleness. I remembered her eyes and how piecing they were, like sheâ€™s been here before â€“ like an old soul.
I sit here, typing this post and crying. I did not cry thinking of Amelie that night. I was happy. I was happy that I spent the best 15 days of my life with someone as special as her.