I read this recently from a fellow bereaved parent's blog. CLC wrote:
"I don't wish this on anyone, but I wish people could watch me in that room holding my dead baby girl, so maybe they would really get it. Maybe then, she would be recognized as real, and my loss would be considered as great as losing an older child. I want them to see how pretty she was, how warm her body was, how everything was so perfect, yet so insanely, grossly wrong at the same time. I want them to see my husband and I screaming and crying as the doctor told us that her heart was no longer beating."
Sometimes I feel like this too.
I just recently found out through reconnecting with an old H.S. acquaintance on FB that her son was born to an undiagnosed CHD. Actually the CHD was more severe than Amellie's - probably a good thing for him, because he started showing signs of distress straight after birth and he had open heart surgery at 1 week old. The surgery was a success and he was home by the time he was 2 weeks old. Currently, he's doing great, eating well and thriving. God bless miracles!
Sometimes I think people try to justify Amelie's death by thinking - "she would have died during surgery" or "she would have had a lifetime of health ailments".
Well, I never believed that.
What I know is that if she had her heart defect caught on time she would have had a 99% success rate at correcting it and would have grown up to be a strong girl, as was initially intended. The frustration of knowing this and living in the complete opposite, really...really sucks. I have no other words, apart from tears.